And it all comes undone

You know that moment they talk about that changes everything? The one where you decide to go out in the rain and end up hydroplaning into a wall. The signs were there the separation was never ending and when I finally let go the relief came. It was followed by anger and pain but also a new door to happiness. I don't think divorce should ever be taken lightly especially when you have kids. I always believed marriage was forever and my kids would never go through the insecurities divorce brings. After 8 and half years though we couldn't make it work. Is it better to not have the fighting and the resentment? I think so but it still just is so crazy how easy and how fast it all changed. There were good times and a long time ago we loved each other. I probably could write a book on all the things that happened maybe some day I will. Thats what has kept me away from all you awesome followers. 

Kids started school which is epic and they both have lots of books they want to read. I would love to hear what everyone is reading with their children, it is so important to spend that time.

I promised a tidbit from my When Stars Collide Series so I am going to give you all a piece of my heart that is not edited so don't hate on my errors. I was typing 2k words per hour. 

She sat in her room on the purple satin covered bench just under the birch-framed window taking in the meadow of her youth one last time. Every Being must grow up at some point and leave their pod and amount to greatness. That’s what the past thirteen years of training were about it just seemed to come sooner then she thought it would. A soft warm sensation came across her sixteen year old smooth and pale pink cheek. Her thoughts wondered, She had grown up in this home called a pod it was a celesteculous site really. The walls entwined with plants and glass that could turn into monitors or video cameras at the command of any being. As her hand brushed the window sill she lost control of her ability to block memories, immediately she was swirled into viewing a younger version of herself running about the gardens, dancing across the stepping stones and spying into the tree line that when she looked back her pod sat perfectly in the center of the meadow, a small willow tree off to the side and her guardians work pods just a little behind the main home pod. Her young self reached for a dew drop in the air and a joyful memory came over her soon she was splashing and jumping about in the horseshoe shaped pond that sat just beyond the tree line.  The most amazing magic encumbers you when you stand just after your toes touch the water bank, all you have to do is look up and your eyes will be canopied of millions of tiny lights mysteriously entwined in the vines that grow from tree to tree along the banks of the pond. Suddenly Celeste is filled with fear the sky above her is daunting and grey she fights against it and lets out a large breath, her eyes flail open and she is safe just looking out the window. The sky is a little odd but it is nothing like her vision.

 Celeste sighs and tries to let out all the anxiety that swarmed her mind in one huff but her stomach clenches at the thoughts that a swarming her mind mostly the ones that include the goodbyes but also the odd memory vision.  It was pretty much her only power yet her guardians had made her swear she would never share it. For months she had to practice blocking it from happening when she touched objects because when it did happen she almost looked like she was dying. They had an odd fear of her memory reading as they called it. One would think they would want a being that could do something humans couldn’t.

Maybe she should be fearful of the memory but she was more fearful of where she would be tomorrow. A heavy pain hits her head as if she had stared at the sun Idris to long, she cringes but is drawn to the sky, it is darker than usual and an eerie glow was inbounding Celeste figured it must be the first sun Idris arriving to shine the morning hours away. Yet it had an almost fiery glow to it. Something wasn’t right but what? She couldn’t put her finger on it.  The thoughts that kept coming to mind were the day’s graduation selections but the sky was almost calling to her she just didn’t know how to listen. All She could process was what happens when a being has no individualistic talents, no skills insured she would be a cast out or an orbit sweeper for life. Celeste knew she wasn’t like dark skinned, curly haired beautiful green-eyed Rana, who happened to be her best concordia of 13 years. Rana could heal; she wasn’t like Azah not only tall dark and handsome but he also could read futures, she wasn’t even like brainiac buff tanned skinned spiky haired Leo. In Celeste’s mind there was nothing specifically special about her she just was. In her mind she felt as mute in her energy channeling as the voice of Astoria; the girl who had lived on earth for a few years before coming back to planet Beid. Celeste thought Astoria had amazing brown hair with soft curls. She just had no voice.  Celeste and Rana were always so jealous of her wired looking green eyes and the fact that no one really asked anything of her because she wouldn’t speak but she could channel energy.  Something deeply troubled Celeste about Astoria since the first day of the twelfth level even though Astoria was silent and her thoughts were blocked, She looked as though she wanted to speak, Celeste always though something had to of happened to her something must have changed her. Daunting question is what could change a young girl to be silent. A soft chill rose up Celeste back maybe the Leaders would send them to the same assignment. On the bright side orbit pushers live a few years before being devoured by a space rock or supernova. Celeste shook off the thoughts and snapped her self back to reality with the falling of her pile of books that had plummeted to hardwood rose colored floor from her bed, she jumped off the bench.

 Deep breaths she thought only one more lesson, “hey maybe you will surprise your self and achieve it”, the overwhelming pit of doubt in her stomach rose it seemed to be telling her not likely. Her only want was for it to hopefully not be to long.  Instructor Arie mentioned that it should only last through the first sun, then the final exam should be over by second moon, Ceremony around eclipse and then off to the car station to universe knows where. Yep, that about summed up the schedule Celeste thought to herself she could see the first sun rising slowly through the daunting grey sky, which meant it was about time to grab her crystal flaked well water and hit the tree line.

She took one last glance in the mirror wearing her favorite Purple pilus that hugged her upper body comfortably but not too tight, Her lime green colored bracas also a comfortable fit and her matching purple flops that made feet look perfectly shaped like a water shoe with toe holders. She gave herself two thumbs up  pulled the brush though her long blonde ringlet hair and turned to the disaster that had unfolded itself upon her very bright blue bedding, so much so that you really couldn’t see the bedding anymore just blotches here and there between her rainbow of pilus’, books and flops. “Well better get it all packed in,” she huffed out loud. Celeste really wished her patris’ (fathers) robot organizer had been approved for use upon the planet Beid but sadly her patris was ordered to destroy it because according to the leaders “Robots are for humans and they are not for beings,” She mimicked Leader Biedal in her head ridiculously bold tone of voice and all.  Her final grass green satchel was almost bursting at the seams as she was now stuffing everything in. Including a journal she had found in her matris’s healing books, Celeste loved to read the entries about the owner’s young love and her trip to earth. She knew it wasn’t her matris’s though because her matris had never been to earth. Someday she thought, I will go to earth and love like this women loved and live as she did human like and all.

Celeste remembered helping her matris in the healing pod she felt like a fairy from one of her books every time she jumped the decorated stones to get there. Celeste wanted to be like her Matris or Patris but is seemed she was so unordinary she might as well have been human. Her first week into lessons Instructor Sky told her she might as well start sweeping meteors now because there was no room for misfits upon planet Beid. He didn’t even understand why they would allow her in the higher education pod, it wasn’t like she could channel any special energies. Celeste tried to wave this off but it was hard at times seeing the other beings achieve every assignment on the first attempt yet after 50 or so tries the instructors would give up on her. When this happened Celeste would day dream about the journal entries, her favorite one spoke that a prophecy had been written and it for told that one very ordinary Being will save us all. Celeste liked to pretend that one day she would wake up and be so important and so powerful she would not need to worry about her place on Beid any longer. Of course this was a dream and not reality but it helped pass the time and shield her Instructors dismay in her failures.

More to come :) Have an amazing Labor day and remember to smile I love all of your support. 

Your Gunna Miss This

What happens when our dreams get put on hold, or when our lives end up at a standstill moment? The road less traveled is still a road, it usually is the harder one the one that everyone avoids by finding short cuts that lead to yet another fork. I think all people have a monumental goal in life, a dream that is just out of reach and the roads we short cut through may end up cutting us off from obtaining them. 
I have always had to choose the harder roads some had short cuts but in the end I found it easier to just do the hard work and climb the mountains. Now I find myself in a place where I want so much out of life, I want to explore the world, I want my children to live happy and healthy, I want my husband to always know I love him and I want to finish the novels I have started and make them available for the world to enjoy. I have spoke before about balancing life with wants and needs. I always have chosen the people I love over the wants of my own. Now life is giving me the opportunity for the time to write again and connect with the many amazing writers and readers I have met over the years. I am coming up on my last couple years of college and finally I will be able to do it without breaks. In this though I am glad I waited and set my goals aside. I got to take in all the moments with my children and husband that matter. My youngest starts school next week and it is just as joyous as it is sad to me. That last mile stone of being my daily partner making me smile through out the day and making me want to pull my hair out. I hold close the words to that song by Trace Adkins, Your Gunna Miss this. I do already. Time is a strange thing it is a moment that changes your life and sometimes a moment you want to forget. I have been lucky in my life I always love everyone unconditionally. I forgive and I move past the hard stuff. There are times though when you want that moment to last for ever. Like writing the first thousand words in a new story or the exhilarating vacations you never want to leave. Just food for thought I guess.
The updates in my writing life are small, I know I miss it as much as you miss hearing about it all. I have been working on my reading though I think that counts. I plan to write a whole lot more in the coming weeks. I will share some tidbits on my next post. 
I was asked, what do you plan to do with your degree? I plan to finish my BA in Journalism and Mass Communications and then Master in Creative writing or Education that is still undecided. I eventually want to work for a Literary Agent company (after I publish my stories) or A publishing company. As much as I love to write I love to read and reading fresh new stories from writers who want to share them with the world is like flying to the moon for me. My biggest plan is with my husband when our youngest graduates College we are going to set off on a year long adventure to drive the Pan-America road. I will be vlogging it yay :) For right now we are planning some small trail trips and I will totally be sharing them with you. 
For now just smile take in the moments and laugh, cry and remember love will always light up your life! 
tatafornow 
KSPD

Junwrimo

It's June which means it is Writers month. This happens twice a year in June and in November. Writers take 30 days to write 50k words. It is fun and encouraging. My story is about teenagers sent to an Island to serve out their sentence. It is like a boot camp but there is much more going on. It is not like Lord Of The Flies as much as we all loved that book... That was a joke, smile! I will share more as I get more into the story.

I am one of those people who read positive blog post and avoid the news, why you ask? The news is depressing it is sad and it is annoyingly frustrating. So much negative and awful crap goes on between 5pm and 7am, all of which you can not do a darn thing about and it clutters my day with sad thoughts and wondering what the heck I can do to help something, only to come to the conclusion I can't do a darn thing but think about it. I wish there could be a news channel that people would watch that promoted positive news and all the good in our world. In my opinion we focus so much on negative we promote it. Most criminals are attention getters, media offers attention to criminals and horrid acts of violence. I would love to hear about the kid who graduated defeating his odds, or the man who helped walk the old lady across the street.

Now for the big life news, both of my kids finished out the year and over came obstacles. The excelled in their  academics even though it was challenging and they made amazing friends. Very Proud MoM. I am back to the college grind, going to finish this degree if it kills me. The husband is doing well and even though we are stuck here in the dessert for 2 more years we are doing it together as a happy family and thats what counts. Though I sure miss trees, grass and plants.

I think it is important to laugh every day, smile as much as you can, and high five every small accomplishment. Even when it feels impossible find a reason.

Have A Happy Week
Signing off with food for thought
KSPD

Truth, Hope and Love

I absolutely love writing and without it I would swim in voices of people that may be factious but are as every bit as real once they hit the paper. Words make them come alive. If you think back to the first book you read that touched you. Wether it be Cat in The Hat By Dr. Seuss or Motorcycle Mouse By Beverly Cleary you began a connection to someones idea and made a factitious friend. To me I know my characters better than my self, some say their characters are a part of them and create them to become someone they wish they could be.
 I have many characters and stories I am working on but my focus is a novel about a young girl who must overcome pain and betrayal to save her new world of friends and the foundation of which she was born. It is full of magic and reality and through it all she is human but not at the same time. I am building a new world one that will bring magic and hope alive and more powerful than the darkness that is coming. 
I also recently finished reading for a second time The Fault In our Stars By John Green. I have heard great things about the movie and I plan to take a bag of tissues with me. If you have not read it but have wanted to I recommend you do. If you have then Okay is my Always :)
I have a million books to read but my eye is on the final Mortal Instrument book By Cassandra Clare, that comes out this month. 
Life for me right now is always a busy time. With my kids in school and us preparing for yet another military move the end of the year chores have built to added piles of fun. I find calmness in the memes and positive quotes that I engulf my facebook feed with. I have found in my life that hope and love out way fear and sadness. Truth will set one free it also can change ones views of the world, choosing the negative or positive is the way one looks upon it. I always find the positives and try to seek goodness out of all things evil. I ponder often what life means and I think what keeps us going is Truth, love and hope. Which makes summer all the more renewing and exciting. I love getting to spend time with my kids and show them new things. During the school year we get caught in the schedules and routines of the weeks and months. Durning the summer we keep a routine but we add spontaneousness and excitement. With lots of reading and traveling through books not just by vehicle. 
I wish you all a Happy Mothers Day and hope that in your lives truth and love will create a happy and fun outlook toward the summer months. 

Smile 

KSPD

Selfish is The Key to Selfless

I was born to stand out and raised to fit in. For many years I have fought what I was born to do and tried to conform to societies sickest ideals. In the past month I have learned a lot about myself and that is never easy. I know now that I am strong, smart, dedicated, and courageous. Those are not bad traits to have but in our society they force us to stand out of the box. When you feel suffocated in life for so long it is freeing to realize you have broken out. I am writing again which is good I lost that part of my day because it got filled with kids this and husband that, both of which are important but I am important too. I think we go through life with this idea that we need to be selfless all of the time its "what good people do" so to speak. I have learned that you can't be that selfless person when you want to be if you are not thinking of yourself every once in a while. My lesson has come at a heavy cost and I hope I can spare you all the pain that has absorbed my life because of it. There is a balance between selfless and selfish and even if that word doesn't make society happy it is needed. 
Now I am working on a new novel and finishing up a couple old projects I can't wait to be doing final edits but that goal is a ways out. 
Happy Friday everyone I hope your reading something amazing and will share in the comment box below... 

A day in my life

When I read I feel and see everything like a movie. When I write I am writing the movie I am seeing but it is harder because you have to word everything right. Like if the sky is grey and you never describe it the reader will see sunny skies. Writing is challenging but for me it is an amazing journey. I may not be the fastest nor the best but I am learning. I know their are people out there who sat down wrote a for a few days and had a best seller. I am just not one of those people I suppose. I take time with my characters. I let them build amazing worlds, friends, families, failures and triumphs in my mind. Then I have to process that to my computer. 
My biggest challenge is wanting to be epic already and knowing I am a long way from that line. It isn't because my characters are not talking to me all the time nor because I have nothing to write about. It is because I have a beautiful life that takes every extra moment out of my hands. Most people have kids who can do everything themselves, never argue and can see the maybe's in life. I don't have that and I am married to a Marine who's day by day changes at a seconds notice. My three beautiful and amazingly awesome kiddios are special needs. One of you asked about how I mange this, how do I get anything done. Well I wake up at 4am and I prepare for the day. I start with coffee and then picking up anything that is lying around. From there I get them all dressed this is a hard task it takes about 25 minutes. As soon as they finish this I feed them breakfast. We don't often have eggs or pancakes its usually cereal or toast with some fruit and juice or water. I don't have time for elaborate. From there I open my daycare and we begin the rounds of getting to three different schools and managing our behavior. While I am working it is fun my youngest enjoys the projects and the learning. by the time nap comes it is time to pick everything up again and get paperwork in order. When it ends it is a couple hours of buses and school pick ups. A little time for homework and then its dinner, baths, story time, and bed. I have about an hour of energy at that point which I spend with my husband. So you see there isn't a lot of time for writing because if I take time to sit down and do it the world falls apart and the house becomes a crazed animal. I keep trying though and I keep a small note book of ideas and thoughts. I plan to start joining Friday night writers club and add an hour to my weekly college time for writing. 
There is something beautiful in every moment with my family though. I get to hear their happiness and comfort their fears. As a parent we give up so much of our selves and though I get lost in that I always know that I wouldn't change a thing for the world. 
I hope you all can find what is important and be okay with the little time for yourself so you can enjoy the big moments with your family because they are born and 18 in a blink of an eye. 

Courage

Have you ever pondered what holds us back from something we want so bad and comes so easy for
others to do? Many philosophers concur that fear is the biggest chain of regret. When people are scared
they hide from themselves, what they are capable of. In the end it catches up to you and all you have is regrets because life doesn't stand still it is for ever moving and passing you by. Well this past year and a half has flown by me. I think I have come out with more regrets than I can count and all because I was scared and let the fear control me. Life will not always be easy and things will happen to change how we react to certain situations. These are not road blocks though they are just logic that is built into our brain. That means you can listen but always remember that the situation is never exactly the same and you have to try another way to suppress the fear with courage. This relates to my writing life, I tried and failed to myself and to others I didn't meet the bar. Then I get a story that operates in my mind all of the time and I find I have lunged into research and a feeling like I got this. Maybe my story about a girl from Planet Beid was a beginning and the five other projects I have going. I never felt this drive with any of them like I do my new piece. I am very excited to get through the outlining and the research to just start writing. Life has a funny way of showing us what it really wants us to do. I am pretty excited!