my internal characters

I now know people can endure the most painful events even when it seems like they can't. Over come odds that most could never imagine. When I write I know a lot of my experiences influence what I am putting into my characters and events. I have experienced things that effect my everyday life so they defiantly influence my writing. Its always hard to explain why a character acts a specific way so I try to paint a picture of their past and find that point that changed them. I feel in turn I will fund my pivitol point that made me see the world differently and do the things I do. I have been told I have a heart that forgives but once my forgiveness is not enough for someone to stop I have an ability to shut off feelings or care for that person any longer. Its called flight from rejection, so what caused this ability what triggered my over it button. I suppose it started long before I was even conscious I was doing it. children who have a traumatic child hood are adults who refuse pain or rejection, they destroy any thing that feels it will lead to that. I am a little different though I still give chances and I still let my heart be open to others. I had to learn that not everything that seems bad is bad. it is hard to forgive and let go of things for me and many of my main characters come off this way. I know men believe this is just a women thing but I remember not being that way. where letting go was easy and not feeling attachment when I did. Now I have to figure out how to build my characters to find a way to move forward and change. I want them to share an internal story of power in pain and strength in weakness. I learn a lot about myself when I write and when I read but something that drives me to keep writing is to share a story for others who are stuck in their pain and show them a way to become the victor in their victimness. I hope you all are well. Happy Friday